Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
