What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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