i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
