You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize