Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want a musical about memes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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