Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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