I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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