yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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