You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
