He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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