The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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