Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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