I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's paper in my vomit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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