it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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