How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
