We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
