There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
