I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
