brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
