she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
