you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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