Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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