Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
