are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
