Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize