shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
