I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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