I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
