I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
