Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
