spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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