We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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