We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
