I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
