At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You made out with two different species that night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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