i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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