Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
