Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
