what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
