Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
