This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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