At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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