Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
