i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
