Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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