When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
