So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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