Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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