i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize