i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
