I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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