Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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