I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My liver just broke up with me...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
