He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
