saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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