as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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