I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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