i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
