The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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