Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
