I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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