She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
