3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
