A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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