What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
