pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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