ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
