So drunk its hurt
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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