I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
