i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
