my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
