Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
