You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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