i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
