brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
