Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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