Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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