Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
