Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
