Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
