we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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