they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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