Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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