in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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