If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
