So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
