Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
