this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize