i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
