I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
