pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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