drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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