it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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