i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
