i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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