It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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