I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize