if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We got so high we made milksteak
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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