K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
