my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize