Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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