I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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