I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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