So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
