youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
