I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
