Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
