And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize