Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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